What are the things made of?

"I've always been interested in how things work, in relation to all subjects, in this case music: not just HOW it happens, but WHY it happens? Why are the processes the way they are? We performing artists often assume that things are just the way they are, that there is excitement on stage, that there is trouble remembering things by heart, that there are all sorts of other factors, and that's just the way it is. But WHY is that? We often don't think about that, and this is probably the nuance that interests me the most - how to help other musicians overcome these problems," says violinist TATJANA OSTROVSKA, who was invited by Liene Jakovļeva to talk this morning.

Tatiana is not only an active performing violinist, but also a researcher: she is currently a PhD student at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama and her research focuses on the phenomenon of live performance in online environments. But during the conversation, Tatiana talks about the new NYX Trio album, the upcoming conference in London and her own concert experience.

LIENE JAKOVĻEVA: You say that you want to help other musicians deal with their specific problems. But surely, it's also about you?

TATIANA: Absolutely! The first books I started reading when I became interested in music research were specifically about performing artists in terms of stage fright, because that's a very big problem for me and something I've struggled with all my life. Even in high school I was very surprised to find out that there is a huge amount of different research and different methods that really help - not that you just have to get by, but there really are ways that musicians can help themselves and improve their performance.

LIENE: Is it just reading that helps in this case? If it's so disturbing, maybe you should see a psychotherapist?

TATJANA: Everyone has their own way of dealing with it, but what helped me a lot was that I understood why the body reacts the way it does in a stressful situation, and playing in front of an audience is always a stressful situation... So, it was easier for me to understand what the solution could be in my case because the problem is not always psychological discomfort or past traumas - it's just that excitement is a normal reaction of the body and should be treated as such, it's just a question of what can be done about it.

LIENE: See, how we drifted into the past and started talking about a completely different topic, because now you're focusing on a completely different topic, which you're also studying seriously. What stage of research are you at now?

TATIANA: I'm in my final year of my PhD at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama in London, which means I'm just a little, little bit away from having to defend my PhD. I can't say that I came to London by accident. I was originally very keen to get a professional doctorate in Latvia, but unfortunately, I didn't, and the year before it opened in Latvia I got into the Guildhall School, which coincided with the pandemic... My topic was originally planned to be similar to what it is now - classical and academic music online: how we get on, how we live there. Why online concerts? Because before that, when I was doing my MA and then my PhD in Riga, my topic was about the situation in the context of sound recording: how musicians feel in the studio, how sound recording technology affects the performing arts and all live processes - that is, what is the difference between playing in a live concert and in a recording studio, and how does that happen in general. But the metal gave my topic a bit of a different color and made it very relevant Until then, there had not been much research on academic music in the online environment, as there were very few live concerts - there were some precedents in large concert halls, the Berlin Philharmonic or the Metropolitan Opera, but this was more of a supplementary tool than a field in its own right. And then, in the middle of the night, it all took a 180-degree turn...LIENE: What do you think - if you weren't an active performing musician, but a theorist - would your research be different?

TATIANA: That's a very, very good question! Because I remember that when I came to the Guildhall School of Music and Drama with this topic, my PhD supervisor said to me, "You've hit a tenner with this topic," to which I replied that that wasn't the aim... But that's what gives value to my research, that it's subjective in a good way. Of course, I'm not talking about the literature base, the research and the methodology of how it is researched, like interviews and surveys - all that is necessary. But I have experienced it all first-hand, and that is the great value that we as musicians can bring to this research - that it is our personal experience. Because it's impossible to do a survey in music like you can do in the sciences, for example, where everything can be measured in a fine percentage. In music it is impossible. So the subjective factor, which science is usually afraid of, is a plus in our case.

LIENE: What are the techniques that help you do this research? First of all, probably the people around you, like the LNSO/Latvian National Symphony Orchestra - a lot of personalities, each with their own opinion about all these online concerts that have taken place and that are still to come. TATIANA: I want to say a very, very big thank you to all the people who took part in my research, because it was when the pandemic was at its height and it was just online concerts that I had the opportunity to interview musicians who were actually doing it in the moment - not five or ten years down the line, but in the moment when it was relevant, when all the emotions and feelings were what they were for us at the time. Because now a lot of things have been forgotten and a lot of things sound and look different. At that time people didn't understand what was going on, so all the senses and feelings were very heightened, and that was reflected in the interviews with the musicians. It was very interesting to analyze them afterwards - what do we pay attention to in this kind of stressful situation. Why I said about the stress initially: it was a different kind of stress - it was not the usual stage stress, but the stress of having completely different rules of the game and how we are going to deal with it.

LIENE: Has anything changed significantly in your perceptions and your feelings about these online concerts before the pandemic and now?

ATIANA: It's easier for me to play to the public now! It must sound a bit strange... Even though I love the audience, I love the audience and we musicians do everything for the audience, and the audience was already there in a way - it just wasn't present, the pandemic made me realize that the audience is us and we are the audience, but that doesn't mean that we have to interact all the time! We are taught from childhood that we have to have a relationship with the audience: when we are on stage we have to communicate with the audience, we have to have feedback, but... Maybe we shouldn't? That's what helped me deal with stage fright as well, because I don't feel like I have to prove to someone that I can play...It might sound a bit arrogant - but it's definitely not meant to be - but now I feel that I play what I feel, what I want to say, and I just pass that message on. And the audience does with it what it wants.

LIENE: I assume that not all your colleagues think exactly like you.

TATIANA: Definitely not! I said from the beginning that this is my chain of thought, which comes from the fact that I had problems before and that I see them differently now. Of course, most of my colleagues are happy and happy to be back to the way things were before the epidemic, and they don't even want to remember what it was like during the pandemic! This is what my thesis supervisor always, always reminds me from the first year - don't focus on the negative! Of course, it's very difficult to find the positive in a situation like ours - there is no audience at the concert, and we don't know - will there, won't there...

LIENE: And after the concert you have to bow to the silence and the cameras.

TATIANA: And then you have to read the comments - not always the best ones! And you don't even know if that person has heard what we're playing on the spot, because it depends on so many factors. It's not like that - directly: I went on stage and the audience saw me and heard me.It was completely different! So, it was kind of hard to find the positive, because it seemed like everything was bad. But if we look for the positive, this is one of them: I think that a lot of musicians find it easier to play for an audience now, if only because the audience appreciates it so much more! A concert is no longer so taken for granted - it is now an event that the audience can be in the hall!

LIENE: Were you in the orchestra at the first concert of Mahler's Fifth Symphony when there was no audience?

TATIANA: Unfortunately, I wasn't, but I was at the very next one. Of course, at first, I thought - why are we doing this... It took us a while to realize that the audience is there, we just don't see it. I also remember very well the concerts we had with Trio Nyx, which were like exams at school for me. The concert that sticks in my mind the most is the one at the Ziedonis Hall of the Latvian National Library.

LIENE: And it can be recalled on your website!

TATIANA: That's one of the research methods I used - I kept a diary.

LIENE: You both wrote and you also recorded - at least backstage at this concert you comment on the event.

TATIANA: Yes, that was the plan because, as I said, time erases a lot of things and it's very important to document things in the moment. Of course, when I play a concert, I can't do it at that moment, but I can do it before and I can do it immediately after.

It was a very mixed feeling because it was also new for all the technical staff.Before that, academic music in Latvia was relatively rarely filmed live.During the pandemic, unfortunately, there were very often situations when the most professional people were not involved, because the professionals at Latvian Television couldn't always get everything done...

LIENE: And do you remember the first concert after the online concerts and after the pandemic in general, when you met the audience again? Was there the emotional explosion you were expecting?

TATJANA: My first concert with an audience was a chamber music concert in Limbaži Church. I have to admit, I didn't have the feeling I was hoping for... The audience was also kind of happy to be there, but at the same time it was also an unusual situation for the audience, which I had to get used to again. It was a moment that made me think: why, when I see the audience, do I suddenly feel discomfort instead of joy and relief? And that's what I was saying before - I realized that I see the audience as a bit of a judge, and that's stressful for me - that I'm now going to be judged... As soon as the public is not visible to me, I don't forget about it, but it's not [my focus] anymore.

When I saw the audience, it became clear to me why I have stage fright!

I realized that this is something I have to learn - to learn to distance myself from the audience in a positive way. Not to ignore it, but to distance myself and do my job. To play basically for yourself - with my colleagues we create, we make music, it's a live performance that happens in the moment. I think the audience, in a way, even benefits from the fact that we are in our own universe and can convey the message more convincingly. In our case. It's probably different for everybody.

LIENE: It's different for everyone... Because what I hear most when I think back to the pandemic is that there was no direct energy, no direct exchange of energy, no applause, no breath - no life in the online concerts. Many people cite that as the biggest drawback.

TATIANA: I'm not saying I disagree. Of course, the audience is a sacred thing for us, and I'm very happy to play for the audience. There's no substitute for the energetic interaction that happens between the performer and the audience in a live concert, when all the people involved are there in person, in the same room. I am just trying to look at this a little more broadly. Of course, the basic thing is that we want to play for the audience.

But there are some other aspects that allow us to look at this differently.

And that's what I'm trying to do.